Being a carer for husband is exhausting

You know what it’s like to be a carer. Or at least you think you do. It’s just looking after someone else, how hard can that be? … RIGHT.

Well just take a moment to sit and think. Caring is not a choice it’s a lifestyle. You need to have all your wits about you just to make it through the dark days. Not just yours but who you are caring for too. Those moments. NO, every moment affects you.

You think caring sounds easy. You think caring means sitting on your bum having a lovely life. Being paid less then you can ever dream to live on. While society deems you as a lazy person because all you do is care.

Take a little time to step into my shoes. My life is hard. For disabilities and mental health there are days out. Rest bite. Care in the community. Cheap day tickets to places. What do carers get. NOTHING.

I’m not complaining. I love who I care for but their dark days are also my dark days and shock horror I get bad days too. I have thoughts, feelings, dreams, but all these are on stand by because the person I care for needs help every day.

I don’t get time off. I don’t get to follow my dreams. I don’t even get ask how I am coping. What I may need. These all come second place. These are unimportant. Just because I care for someone. Those persons needs become more important then my own.

If you’re a Carer you sign over your life. You live for two people and then you wonder why you are tired all the time. It’s almost impossible to administer self care because bad days are bad days and they need fixing. You’re the carer so it’s now your duty to fix them.

You can’t go out alone because you can’t leave who you care for unattended in case something happens to them and then you’re filled with guilt for not doing your duty.

It’s easy to pass judgement. It’s easy to look like ‘I’ve got this’ and most of the time I have. Most of the time life ticks by nicely because it’s been planned one week in advance.

BUT
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night because I feel like I have no freedom. I feel trapped because my dreams have to come second. I feel emotionally drained from propping up those that need me. I feel empty because I have given all the love I can give but there’s still a hand asking for more.

I shy away from activities because I’m too tired to participate. I hide from the world because I find it hard to be true to who I am. The list of TO DO’s keeps on growing. I don’t have time to make friends because I’m too busy making others happy.

Caring can be an isolated life. People forget you. People misunderstand you. People can hurt you with comments. BUT we FIGHT for not just ourselves or those we care for but misunderstood carers everywhere.

If it’s one thing we have in common it’s that we actually CARE. So please be good to your carer. They are there for you but be mindful that they also need time to be themselves.

Thank you for reading. Keep being strong <3 xx

Published in Caregivers
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