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Being a Carer – how hard can that be?

Being a carer for husband is exhausting

You know what it’s like to be a carer. Or at least you think you do. It’s just looking after someone else, how hard can that be? … RIGHT.

Well just take a moment to sit and think. Caring is not a choice it’s a lifestyle. You need to have all your wits about you just to make it through the dark days. Not just yours but who you are caring for too. Those moments. NO, every moment affects you.

You think caring sounds easy. You think caring means sitting on your bum having a lovely life. Being paid less then you can ever dream to live on. While society deems you as a lazy person because all you do is care.

Take a little time to step into my shoes. My life is hard. For disabilities and mental health there are days out. Rest bite. Care in the community. Cheap day tickets to places. What do carers get. NOTHING.

I’m not complaining. I love who I care for but their dark days are also my dark days and shock horror I get bad days too. I have thoughts, feelings, dreams, but all these are on stand by because the person I care for needs help every day.

I don’t get time off. I don’t get to follow my dreams. I don’t even get ask how I am coping. What I may need. These all come second place. These are unimportant. Just because I care for someone. Those persons needs become more important then my own.

If you’re a Carer you sign over your life. You live for two people and then you wonder why you are tired all the time. It’s almost impossible to administer self care because bad days are bad days and they need fixing. You’re the carer so it’s now your duty to fix them.

You can’t go out alone because you can’t leave who you care for unattended in case something happens to them and then you’re filled with guilt for not doing your duty.

It’s easy to pass judgement. It’s easy to look like ‘I’ve got this’ and most of the time I have. Most of the time life ticks by nicely because it’s been planned one week in advance.

BUT
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night because I feel like I have no freedom. I feel trapped because my dreams have to come second. I feel emotionally drained from propping up those that need me. I feel empty because I have given all the love I can give but there’s still a hand asking for more.

I shy away from activities because I’m too tired to participate. I hide from the world because I find it hard to be true to who I am. The list of TO DO’s keeps on growing. I don’t have time to make friends because I’m too busy making others happy.

Caring can be an isolated life. People forget you. People misunderstand you. People can hurt you with comments. BUT we FIGHT for not just ourselves or those we care for but misunderstood carers everywhere.

If it’s one thing we have in common it’s that we actually CARE. So please be good to your carer. They are there for you but be mindful that they also need time to be themselves.

Thank you for reading. Keep being strong <3 xx

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Caring is a full time job

Being a carer for your partner

I have never written a blog before and I am not all that good at writing about who I am or how I feel. Just lately I have felt that I should give it a go and reach out to people. Caring can be a lonely job. I get sick of people telling me it’s not a REAL job and that I should go to work and stop claiming tax payers money.

I care for my husband who was first diagnosed with Epilepsy 10 years ago. This is how it all started. He had to give up work because his fits got a lot worse. He was a hazard in the work place. It was worsened by the fact that he had an accident and broke his neck. He’s lucky to be alive. I love him so much that I am thankful he is still in the land of the living. His neck is crumbled and the gravel as we call it pushes on nerve endings which caused his fits to get worse.

While going through the system and trying to work out what was the cause, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I have always taken his mood swings as a quirk and neither of us knew he had a mental disability. It opened our eyes to how much can be hidden under the surface.

Giving up work for him caused a great depression. He’s never been the same. With the system treating us the way it has it has caused anxiety and panic attacks so now talking to strangers and going to new places is a challenge for us.

Life can never be the same. So YES, I am just a carer but I don’t get time off. I don’t get holiday pay. I don’t get any support from anywhere and I am left to rely on my own decision making to what is best for us. I don’t have time to be sick. I am needed every minute of the day. I wish I could go to work and work nine to five. I would surly make more money and possibly have a more comfortable life.

I didn’t choose for this to happen. I’m not just sat here on my backside doing nothing all day like people seem to think I am. It’s hard work. Maybe not physically every day but mentally every second. Every time he has a seizure he could die. If you love someone just take a moment to think how that feels. He has at least two a day on a bad month. There is nothing I can do but sit by his side and pray he pulls through.

So no, I don’t have a title, a posh house or children. I gave up all my dreams to be by his side everyday. Love is the foundation of my life. My gift is the days I get to see him smile without pain.

I craft to keep my sanity. I love to create. I love to see people smile and I think LOVE is the most cherished gift we can share with one another. It’s FREE and it changes lives.

So next time someone says they are a carer, take a moment to realise they give up their lives for others happiness. Give them some supportive encouragement. I know we all sure could use it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Much love to you all. xx

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