I sit here with my head in my hands, trying to stop the dark thoughts running around in my mind… My body is so fragile and sensitive to touch. Please don’t brush past me right now, I’m scared that I will break.

How did I become so scared? Scared of the door, scared of a noise, scared of the people I have known all my life… but so much more scared of my own thoughts. I can’t catch a thought they’re moving so fast. The adrenaline that is rushing through my body and sending me into unknown panic which I cannot escape. Right here and right now my death seems so blissful. Just please stop this pain, I’m growing so tired. I have no fight. Tears fall from my eyes as the panic sets in. The feeling is so intense I want to rip out of my skin. Please just help me take it away. My mind plays tricks on me, telling me that no one is to be trusted. They’re going to think I’m weak, think I cant cope. (But I can’t cope, or can I?) Why would my own mind turn on me this way?

Published in Depression, Illness / Disability