CRPS and Relationships
Sorry I haven’t written for quite some time, CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome) doesn’t only change your life forever, it changes those around you too. I will be in my 4th year come September, and so far I have lost all my work friends and close friends apart from 2 very loyal, kind, compassionate, caring, friendly people. Clare who used to live in a flat above me and Caroline alongside her husband Mick. Caroline and I have known each other since we was 11 years old, we’ve gone through exams together, puberty together and motherhood together, i think you can call us close 🙂
Everyone else just seemed to disappear or disperse slowly.. And now my relationship with my partner has come to an end, my teenage daughter and I will be moving on as soon as a suitable property becomes available. So what happened? Well I became bedbound and unable to do any housework and that’s where it all started. When you spend 4 years doing everything for everyone, and that suddenly stops that’s when it hits them! They have to take on the responsibility of the house and that’s when the resentment starts to kick in. Things got dirty and dusty and yet when I mentioned it I was “badgering, harassing and just complaining every time I got the chance”. I was damned if my 12 year old daughter was going to take on that role especially as there was a fully able bodied adult in the house too!
Next came the hair loss, I was no longer ” appealing” and the words I remember hearing was “Your hair loss not only affects you” hmm read into that whatever you will! Then the weight gain came from being bedbound and well.. Let’s just say intamacy stopped altogether, no cuddles, no touching.. Nothing, that’s the day I realised I needed to remove myself and get out of this life and look after my own and my dqughters happiness first.
Apparently I am a changed person, but nobody else sees it, I’m different, I’m moody, I’m argumentative, I’m cold, i have no empathy.. Yet no one else can see this.. So I deduce this is just the opinion of 1 person that has come to realise that I no longer need him and I’m gonna manage just perfectly with my daughter on our own. The things he did for me seemed to taper off.. Commode buckets not emptied to a point where I would wet myself or the bed, so I ordered another bucket to put a stop to that! I have been led to believe for the last 3 and 1/2 years that I cannot manage with just Jodie, that my needs won’t allow me to live independently.. Well that isn’t true, he now does nothing for me and we are in separate bedrooms and I get alot of spiteful comments aimed towards both myself and my daughter.
My findings are this.. CRPS hasn’t changed me, it is people around me for whatever reason. Some people may feel uncomfortable coming to see me and don’t know what to say.. I will admit I am no longer the fun, laughing, bubbly person anymore, but I am still ME! I am now surrounded by hundreds of online friends who are also true warriors of their illnesses and disabilities and we are all of the same mind, goal and purpose… We just want to be accepted into society just the way we are